TV SG-1 Style
by Lara Ashleigh Lords
Summary: Like the title says. Get ready for mayhem.


Humor. Must include:   
*The SG Team advertising something, Teal'c ghetting lead role in the advert   
or the advertising campaign. BONUS POINTS if he wears a silly costume.   
*No characters killed off.   
*An ampersand ( '&' ) being very significant in the story.   
*A game of Scrabble where someone tries to make up words, and a creative use   
for scrabble letters. and there are no amperthingys in a box of scrabble   
letters!   
*The line: "Eating phosphorous is fun" included in the advertisment (which   
can be about anything)   
*A mary sue.   
**TV SG-1 STYLE (RATING :- PG)**   
Teal'c entered the SGC feeling slightly stupid. Well, he felt about as stupid as a Jaffa could feel which wasn't very stupid so I don't know I wrote this paragraph anyway.   
It was the day. The day when they were coming. Jack was busy grooming himself. Daniel was busy grooming Henry. Carter was practising a speech even though she didn't really need to do that. At that moment, Teal'c enetered the room. Jack and Daniel laughed and Carter told them off for laughing. To be honest, she wanted to laugh to but the only reason she was put in the SGC in the first place was to tell Jack and Daniel off as much as possible. She did a very good job of it.   
"I do not understand why I have to play the main part," said Teal'c.   
"Ahh, Teal'c," conforted Sam. "You're a brillent actor and that's why you got the part. You should be very proud of yourself."   
"Acctually," butted in Daniel. He recieved a glare from Carter but chosse to ignore it. "Teal'c got the part because he was the only one who didn't spill coffee over the directer's trousers, or debut the meaning of the ad, or chat up the producer's wife, or....."   
"We get the point, Danny Boy!" yelled Jack from over by the mirror. Man, he thought, that woman was cute.   
"So what if I debated the meaning of the ad," questioned Sam, annoyed. "Who on Earth would call a new banana toffee sweet '&'?"   
"Because it's quick to type?" shrugged Daniel before going back to grooming his beloved coffee cup.   
"And he should know," added Jack, quickly. "He spends his whole life on those computers."   
"Is that why I am dressed as a banana then O'Neill?" asked a slightly confused Teal'c.   
"No, they just put you in the costume to make us look cool," said Jack, posing in front of the mirror. He was promtly wacked over the head by Carter. Jack said ow. No points for guessing why.   
The door opened. A woman in her 20's entered. She had long blond hair, perfect blue eyes, very tall and curves in all the right places. It was just enough to make Jack drool and get Carter all jelious.   
"Hello," said the woman. "My name is Mary-Sue. I'm sooooo perfect. I'm here to tell you guys it's time to go to see the director!" Mary-Sue let out a sickly sweet laugh. Suddenly, Jack O'Neill's mouth jammed shut and Carter had pride in herself.   
"Go away!" yelled Jack.   
"That's not very nice," said Mary-Sue, looking a little hurt. "I'm going to have to stop you from insulting anybody or anything else."   
Mary-Sue grabbed the duct-tape from the corner of the table and covered Jack O'Neill's mouth. Daniel couldn't help but laugh so Carter wacked him. Fortunatly, Mary-Sue did not notice.   
"There," she said. "I have saved you all from having your feelings hurt. Have fun!" Mary-Sue waved in that girlie kinda way and left, shutting the door perfectly behind her, of course.   
About 20 minutes later, SG-1 were on set. The producer guy gave Jack a fun look before turning his back on him. The director walked up to them and handed Teal'c a script.   
"Learn this Teal'c," said the director. "Come back here in 25 so we can shoot, ok?"   
"Why would we want to shoot any one of these people?" asked Teal'c. Jack gave him the sign to leave it so Teal'c did. By the way, Carter managed to get the duct-tape of Jack's mouth with no help from Daniel.   
"Well," said Daniel. "How about a game of Scrabble while we wait?" Carter and O'Neill couldn't think of anything else to do so they just said Ok.   
Daniel gave everybody 7 letters each. Jack's letters were QNMVITM. Carter's letters were FXZEABC. Daniel's letters were COFFEEC. Daniel started. He put down the word COFFEE.   
"11 points to me!" he yelled, grabbed the score card from Sam's hand. Sam groaned.   
It was not Jack's turn. He looked at his letter. What on Earth could you spell with QNMVITM? He could always make up a word and pretend it was real, couldn't he? So, Jack O'Neill carefully laid down the letters TIMMN.   
Sam and Daniel looked at the new word in a funny way. Daniel could swear he had never seen this word anywhere before. So could Carter.   
"That's not a word, Jack," said Daniel beginning to take the letters off the board.   
Jack slammed his hand down on top of Danny Boy's to make him stop. "How do you know it's not a word?" asked Jack, sort of mocking him in a way.   
Daniel looked at Sam speechless. Sam just shruged. They didn't have a dictionary so there was no way of knowing weather it was a word or not.   
It was Sam's turn now. She looked at her letters. FXZEABC? What could you spell with that? She could only think of a three letter word at the most. That wouldn't get her much. She looked at Jack. He HAD made that word up and she knew why. Slowly, trying not to make it too obvious, she spelt out BEFZACX.   
"That's not a word either!" yelled Daniel.   
"We haven't got a dictionary," said Carter. "How do you know it's not a real word? 40 points please, Jack."   
Daniel sulked. His turn now and he had to think of something to beat those two words. PCXUGGH. He wasn't one for cheating but.....   
After 20 minutes of practising, Teal'c had nailed his lines. He returned to the rest of the group to see what they were doing. It seemed like they were playing the Earth game of Scrabble. He decided to go watch.   
Teal'c noticed something straight away. Half the words on that board weren't even real earth words. Mary-Sue, who was near by had also noticed.   
"Those aren't words," she sighed. "SAGBUN? NICFLU? QUNITAM? Here. Let me help you." Mary-Sue sat down and started working immediatly.   
"Well, that sucks the fun out of that one," said Jack O'Neill standing up. Daniel and Sam also stood.   
"Shame there aren't &'s in the box, isn't it?" said Carter, sighing. "Perhaps we should write to the people who make the game and ask them to put them in?"   
"Yeah, whatever," said Daniel. "We should invite Henry to play next time. What do you think?"   
Jack looked at Daniel then at Sam. Then he looked at Daniel again. At long long last he said "No, Danny boy, no. By the by, Carter, what does SAGBUN mean?"   
Carter went red. What did SAGBUN mean? "Err, it's, erm..." she started. Jack's eyes met hers. He was trying to get it out of her. He was trying to make her admit that she cheated. "Err, it describes the sagginess of current buns, sir." For some strange reason, Teal'c, Jack and Daniel brought it.   
Just minutes later, SG-1 were on set. Teal'c was standing in the middle dressed in his very own banana costume. The rest of SG-1 were either side of him. The ad music started. Daniel, Sam and Jack started dancing around to the music.   
"Eating phosphorus is fun," said Teal'c. "But you......."   
All of a sudden Sam, Jack and Daniel burst out laughing. "Eating phosphorus, fun?" said Jack. "That's a good one Teal'c. Now what's the real line?"   
"CUT!" yelled the director. "That is the real line!" That silenced the laughing. "Now, let's start again."   
The ad music started up.....and so did the Stargate.   
"CUT!!!" yelled the director as Hathor came through the gate. Henry and Daniel had broken the iris during a game of hide and go seek, you see. So, obviously, it didn't work anymore.   
"Oh cool!" said Hathor, seeing the cameras. "Can I be in the ad? Please."   
The director seemed to have a change of attitude. "Ok. You can stand next to Daniel." Daniel went 3 shades lighter in 1 second. Cool!   
The music started up again.   
Teal'c began to say his lines. "Eating phosphurous is fun. But you might prefer one of these...." Teal'c grabbed an ampersand bar out of nowhere. "Ampersand, the new banana toffee sweet."   
"Ampersand!" sang Jack, Daniel, Sam and Hathor.   
Teal'c took a bite out of it. It was now his turn to go 3 shades greener in 1 second. Now that is just really cool.   
The director didn't notice. "That's a rap" he yelled. He then signelled to the team to clear up.   
Unfortunatly, Mary-Sue did notice what had happened. Now Teal'c had to chosse which was worse; Mary-Sue or death? He began to try and strangle himself but Dr. Fraiser got there first. So Teal'c lived through his first ever TV experience. I can't decide weather that's a good thing or a bad thing....... 


End file.
